Benhossmeen \ben-haws’-meen\ n (2000) : Name given by possibly insane woman to young missionary and flan enthusiast B.I. Green during his seven-month sojourn in the bustling swamptropolis of San Fernando de Apure, Venezuela in 2000 A.D.
swamptropolis \swawmp-traw-puh-luhs (hey give me a break, I couldn’t find a schwa)\ n (2015) : Pretty much what it sounds like.
The above definitions are true and accurate. Said whackmama’s reasoning for calling me “Benhossmeen” was that it made my given name, Benjamin, sound more Middle Eastern and therefore more alluring. As in “Prince Benhossmeen, Son of Pharaoh, Ruler of Thebes and Mighty Conqueror of Shawarma,” said in a sexy voice (preferably by that floozy from The Ten Commandments). Who could resist such majesty? It must have worked wonders because her daughter had a jones for me. Or maybe that was because I had recently started parting my hair on the opposite side. Or maybe it was just because she wanted out of San Fernando and would have hooked up with Carrot Top had he shown up. Not that I’m deriding the talented and charismatic Mr. Top for one moment. Anyway…yeah. The story of Benhossmeen. Camp counselors will be telling it in spooky voices to mumbly switchblade-carrying bad seeds for generations to come.
So, the blog. This is essentially a reboot of a blog I worked on kind of half-heartedly a few years ago. It was supposed to be my “official author’s blog,” so most of the posts were centered around writing and the writing process in general. I tried to copy the style of other official author’s blogs I came across, and the results were lame indeed, primarily because I haven’t actually published anything yet. Most authors with blogs post about upcoming book signings, sequels in the works, etc. You know. The kind of things you really have to be a published author to blog about. So I would write long-winded posts about story elements like genre and plot and characterization, under the mistaken belief that there’s a sizable percentage of the population that gets its kicks from reading long-winded posts about those things. Needless to say, the project was a failure. I only ever had two comments. One was from my wife, and I’m pretty sure the other was from Satan.
With the new and improved blog, I’m abandoning the “author in the works” persona entirely. From this point on, I am blogging as myself, i.e. “Benhossmeen, Vanquisher of Bozos Who Drive Really Slow in the Left Lane Without Ever Actually Passing Anybody.” Said in a sexy voice.
The BenHossmeen Rationale 